Anxious.

I know, I know, we're not supposed to be anxious.
But it's sometimes really hard.
On Friday, the board meets and determines whether or not I start at my job this month.
Otherwise, I have to wait for April.

Someone once told me that worrying goes away with age and maturity.
She made me very mad.
Worrying and anxiety are personality issues.
Also, worrying goes away with trust, trust doesn't come with maturity.
Trust comes with a relationship.

Passionate?

Church yesterday was talking about being passionate. Afterwards, my dad said, "Are you passionate about couponing?" I would have to answer yes.

I LOVE saving money. I LOVE being able to get things for free. I LOVE buying more fresh produce because I was able to already save on everything else. I LOVE being able to donate MORE because of the fact I've saved so much! I get excited when I tell other people about couponing and get them into it. Teaching people to coupon is exciting for me.

My dad & sister have both called me just to tell me their savings on their grocery trips! I get just as excited for them as I get when I save! My Dad was so proud to tell me he saved over 50% and my sister, so excited to stockpile her baby food and get 60 jars of baby food, saving about 67% (I think)!

So, in honor of my passion of couponing, I thought I would share a great link with you all:
http://thecouponproject.com/2010/01/free-downloadable-2010-savings-tracker.html

This is a savings tracker that really helps you keep track of how much you are spending and what you are saving! It's really great, helps you stay organized, and makes you feel proud of how much you save!

Calling.

As I was sitting in church on Sunday, hearing a sermon about what you are being called to now, I began to think a lot about how I have no idea. Everything seems to be going against what I am trying to do to no fault of my own. I told Tim that something in the universe does not want me to get licensed with all of the difficulties I have had. I hope and  let go and then it crashes around me. I think I'm clear and get hit again.

Does it mean anything, who knows? Am I to do something else, who knows? But I know I need to quit thinking about my own world. My problems aren't the end of my world, though at times, I won't lie, it feels as if they are - because it feels as if I'm being defeated. Some days, I just wonder why I keep trying to reach this goal with so many things working against me. I know this is my calling. I know it's what I am supposed to do. Who knew that something I'm called to do would be so hard to obtain.

I know things will work out. I know things will be fine. Because sooner or later it has to come out of this rut. I know HE has a plan. I know that. It's my doubts sneaking up on me saying, are you sure you can trust? It's my fear that something out of my control will not get done. But people just don't talk about these doubts. They don't talk about these fears. I figure if Thomas can doubt Jesus is in front of him, I can have my doubts too.

This song really stood out to me. I love the artist, Matthew West -- My Own Little World & The Motions & When I Say I Do are three I really love. But this one I heard today. No, I'm not at rock bottom. But I can agree that sometimes I feel not strong enough.

Strong Enough

 

You must

You must think I'm strong

To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me

Forgive me if I'm wrong

But this looks like more than I can do

On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be

everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not stong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

For the both of us

Well, maybe

Maybe that's the point

To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally

Finally at rock bottom

Well, that's when I start looking up

And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be

Everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not stong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Cause I'm broken

Down to nothing

But I'm still holding on to the one thing

You are God

and you are strong

When I am weak

I can do all things

Through Christ who gives me strength

And I don't have to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

I can do all things

Through Christ who gives me strength

And I don't have to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Oh, yeah

I know I'm not strong enough to be

Everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not stong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Strong enough

The past month!

A lot has happened! Gayle came, My Family came, Botanical Gardens, I graduated, Family Christmas, I had a White Christmas, I worked a LOT of hours at the grocery store, New Years, Tim's last day at Macaroni Grill.

All jumping too: This past week!

My deadline for the LPC board was due on the 7th. That resulted in NUMEROUS calls made to the various organizations begging and pleading for them to get my forms in. It also resulted in numerous times where I thought to myself, "how does this happen?" People would tell me they couldn't do anything without my forms, and after I continued to tell them my forms were in and I had proof of delivery, magically someone would have just walked in the door with my form in hand ready to process it! I am 98% certain all the forms got in! So, I could be licensed in February! However, I am offically a National Certified Counselor.  Still can't get a job but I have national certification, whoo hoo.

Then Tim got sick. Then Mom went to the hospital. I went back and forth between the two and getting the Piper for the day or to go out in order to help out Mom/Dad. I did get my Dad somewhat into couponing since he had to do the grocery shopping! Haha, it was hilarious. Mom is coming home today. Tim is finally a little coherent, but still sick.

I am looking forward to this week. I'm not working much, so it's a mini vacation for me! I need it! : ) Hope you all have had a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year! Here is to hoping 2011 is great!

Random ramblings!

My Thoughts of today: 

1. As of today, I have 5 nieces and nephews! Chloe was born today! Congrats to Candace & Jacob!
2. Today was my LAST graduate school class! I graduate Saturday!
3. I really miss spending time with friends, I feel like I haven't seen them in forever!
4. Just the Way You Are performed by Glee is stuck in my head, and a great song!
5. My family is coming SO SOON! : )
6. I got my hair cut, and the girl made it weird, thankfully, my sister is coming and can fix it.
7. I love Christmas ornaments.
8. I have three wonderfully scented candles going throughout the place tonight (different rooms so smells don't overlap).
9. If it's under 32 degrees during the day, it should be snowing. Not just cold. 
10.  What's the random thought on your mind today?

Giving Up Control

So, I have a need to be in control. Only to be shown over and over again that I have little to no control. So again, I'm trying to give up the idea that I have any control. I hope I can. I know I'd be better off if I could give it up, but I'm struggling that's for sure.

Today's been really rough and very discouraging. I went from fear and hypervenalating to anger and crying. I'm pretty much resigned at frustration and anger now. I don't know what the next stage will be.

We'll see if anything changes, but it's out of my control. I just hope I can remember that!

Let's do a day in pictures....

 Step 1: Wakeup to Alarm Clock

Step 2: Start to get ready for the day

Step 3: Hear knocking at the door

Step 4: See police at door

Step 5: Go downstairs to find...

Merry Christmas Season!

I should mention that nothing was stolen. 

Nothing was valuable in there to be stolen, although others were not lucky.

It was a part of 11 that were broken into over night/morning.    

Tim was worried about his Louis Armstrong CDs though! : )

*All pictures courtesy of Google Images Search because I don't really have pictures of all of that!